Melbourne and my insecurities

Long time no see to nobody but myself.

So since my last blog I have moved to Melbourne, initially as a 'job-seeking holiday where I'd try Melbourne and Sydney and go home after a month or two', but I knew as soon as I got to Melbourne that it would be none of those things. I was settling in Melbourne and that was that. I pissed around in a residential backpackers for a month or so after having crashed at my cousin's house and actor friends Leoni and Alex for a couple of weeks back to back initially.

Now I'm in the Western Suburbs in Sunshine, trying seriously to get any decent job I can, having gotten tired of living off the dole looking only for film/video jobs and being jerked around by a company for a month or so.

All of this is not the reason I am writing this blog.

Really it is because I am currently hyperactive trying to get some excitement into my life (in the form of either joining or forming a band either with my ukelele or other people's instruments or volunteering on films), which is because I have no money and no friends who aren't doing stuff during the weekdays, which leaves me largely a hermit on my own in my house during the week.

So, this brings me to my point. I am doubting how many of my friends really appreciate or care about me. I'm always the one to make the effort, both at making contact and making plans to actually catch up. Sure, I don't have alot of friendships that are worth the effort, but it seems those few may not even be worth the effort.

I think possibly it is because I'm such a clingy cunt when I do get a friend and I bend over backwards to see them and fit their schedule that they never think it necessary to try and actually invite me to something (without first being too busy to do what I want them to do) or fit my schedule.

I never hear from people unless they want something from me (with the exception of one who shall remain named as Mr. G). Yes, I expect that from some people who I'm not that close too, because I do that with people who I consider in that ilk.

Just an occasional call to see what's up from these people not being Mr. G and my family would be nice. Or not just ignoring me on facebook chat (often in the midst of a conversation).

Of course, none of this would be coming up if I was employed and actually had somewhere where I was being paid to be bored during the day.

So that's that. I'll go back to being bored until I get tired enough to sleep. At least it will stretch out my day by waking up late.

I am the definition of indefinite

Yo.

Again, I'm ranting about my ability to attain a vague sense of certainty in my life. The cliche remains that the only thing I'm certain of is that I can't be certain of anything.

This makes me unreliable and therefore a less attractive prospect for employment.

Thus is the reasoning behind my snap decision to go east in search of work (as aided by tapping on these very keys in my last blog). My reasoning is as follows:

1. I am more likely to get full time employment in Melbourne or Sydney in the film and tv industry.

2. If I have less things to be uncertain about then I will have more things I can be certain about. I will probably have to at least have a vague structure to my job hunting (including where I will be residing, for how long, how I spend my days - likely pounding the pavement 8 hours a day, and also how I spend my nights (having no idea of what to do will just mean I can take most offers as they come).

3. I have money lying around and more coming in within this month/early next month. I don't have enough to fix my car, and I've already spent around $1000 in repairs on top of the $1500 I paid for it initially a year and a bit ago. It either goes on this trip or some vaguely helpful item that I probably won't get the full value out of.

And just for shits and giggles, here's a cap of what's about to happen/what's just happened in my life.

I have gotten the film SLR photography bug. I'm absolutely resisting the urge to spend all of my money on new lenses/filters/tripod/lights (just signing up to ebay isn't making this easier - I have made my one purchase on that for now and it will have to satisfy me).

I had a great New Year period, having adventures with some newer friends who have begun to get closer into my life.

I have colour grading work for a week or two beginning as of Monday. It is an outback survival instructional documentary, and I will also be doing some minor editing and mixing on it. This is a decent earner, also. I'm not the most knowledgeable as a grader, but I have picked up enough to do what is required here.

I also have a band to produce. Deth Traktor are a 2 piece stonerish rock band who live in the ghetto with me, but whom I had never met before. This piece of fortune coincides with a new studio opening up and offering ridiculously cheap prices for the first month or so. I have delved into the role of producer, coming down to a jam session and recording most of it (then playing around with some basic mixing and exploring sounds). I'm looking forward to the tracking and my brother Cayle will be helping as assistant engineer (as long as he doesn't try to hijack the session and usurp me - a disadvantage of having someone competent as your underling). The recording unfortunately may be interfered with by a very random opportunity (see below).

For some reason, an indie film decided to advertise for crew on seek. I went through the holiday entries I'd missed through being out generally having a good time and just came across it. I've never seen a dramatic film advertise for crew on seek. I applied, then I got a call back asking if I could send a sound showreel. Waiting to hear back over the next few days. If I get the job I will be paid (probably not full rates, but hopefully enough to get stable accommodation) for almost 2 months of work. Just like the last Sydney opportunity, I'll have a short period of time to get organised and get over there.

So, that's mostly it. Gilesy and I wrote a script on New Year's day that we had hoped to have in the can by now, but lack of initial interest from others and an inability to build a vaguely functional factory cubicle (with conveyor belt) at short notice has put it off. I do really want to make this, especially because I will be at least co-directing, and probably taking more charge of the visual side of things.

I again have to wait and see what happens. Patience is a virtue. Must remember that.

This could be long or short (Ha!... Dangly bits).

Hi reader/s (if any).

What up? Having a good time?

Anyway, that's not why I'm here, so I won't dwell on it (not that I don't care, but... well actually I kind of don't).

I'm gonna lay it down for y'all (not that I'm gonna say much that is groundbreaking, because I probably won't). I still don't know where my life is going and it kind of annoys me. Y'know? I want the world and I want it now, I'm sick of all my kicks, I'm sick of all the stiffs, sick of all the dips, and all those other lyrics suggesting things about things.

The big news is that I was in the running for a job in Sydney. A real full-time job. Something that would have given me the stability I so desire currently. I put my life on hold in case I got it, because they wanted someone right away. I told people I couldn't do things, or just said I'll let you know when I know (which I hate to do, hence wanting the stability in the first place).

I didn't get the job. I don't care so much about that. My issue was that I let them know that I needed to know ASAP to let people know if I was available to do things for them or not. I called on multiple occasions and couldn't get a straight response from anyone. I got told I would be called back, and it never happened (hence calling and asking on multiple occasions).

I was prepared to pack up my life and leave with a few days notice, and they didn't have the courtesy to give me even those few days.

On top of all that, I had an accident on the road two Fridays ago, which although minor (I hit the back of a ute at maybe 5-10km/h - he stopped dead after realising he was about to head the wrong way into a one way street), has put repairs out of practical monetary reach. So the holiday money I saved up is automatically needed to put aside for expensive repairs or new car (repairs are really expensive).

Now I have to risk getting a yellow sticker every time I drive, and I won't have enough money to get a reliable car for some time (weeks, months?).

Anyway, I'm still here, and still freelancing to the point where I'm not earning enough to get off Centrelink but dealing with these various projects makes it difficult to deal with what I need to do to keep getting my benefits (which I blame 100% on the fact that my career path isn't catered for by Employment Services).

In other news, I have been in a creative lull of late. It largely came down to having too much shit to do for other people. The minute I got any time free I had some good musical experiences, writing some decent tunes that I'm still fairly happy with (although not finished with). As I appear to be busy again, I don't think I'll get much out for a while. I started trying to force myself to write various things, but I haven't been very successful.

Now, the philosophical bit:

All of this probably means nothing, as in the grand scheme of things I have time on my side.

That also means nothing, because I still have to think about the immediate.

What do I do?

Save my $700 to grow to $3,000 and buy a decent car?
Save all the money for a move and fresh start?
Save all the money for an item I need (new bass amp/drum kit/computer/1000 other things)?
Throw caution to the wind and have a good holiday season and start again next year?
Other (please specify)?

Cool, whatevs.

I'm taking a dump on your mum's dad's mum.

That it all.

OK, here's the scoop

This is a combination heart to computer/catch-up/whatever else, despite knowing that nobody reads this.

So, we start at the beginning (call me old-fashioned).

I am getting sick of a number if things, as follows:

1. The way this country is run. Not from a "Durr, the Labour Party is poopoo" perspective, from a "The whole system is fucked and I hate the only two parties that have any say, and the only moderation is the independents who come from retarded electorates, and are largely retarded themselves" perspective.

I hate the amount of formality is involved in even getting a response from a decision-maker, and this shitty system flows through everything run by the government. Faceless middle-management tuck themselves away in the corner, which leaves you complaining to the pleb workers who don't care, or the politicians, who don't care and don't have time to hear you in the first place.

What am I gonna do? One day when I find someone rich and crazy enough to do what I tell them I'll actually start a political party and pay for national adspace and try (I know it will probably be in vein) to effect some reform or change.

2. I'm sick of living at home. Honestly, I'd actually like to live in a place literally on my own for a while. Just have a solo bachelor pad where I can do what I want and just be responsible for myself. That would be really nice. I think that will never happen. I would happily settle for a sharehouse, but I need money, and for that I need a job.

3. I'm sick of being overlooked. It doesn't do a guy's confidence much good when all stimuli he receives indicates he is good at things, and then the results of these things get him nowhere. ECU, I'm looking at you for starters.

Sure, I probably wouldn't enjoy a job at ECU as much as working in the real world, but it would be nice to be asked. It kind of seems like the 'chosen one' policy of ECU's School of Communications has skipped my year but employed the 'respected' students of years past and future. I can tell you I probably did more helping of others than any of those people, who were busy doing their assignments properly in their kick-ass groups (I am jealous that the stars aligned for these people, but I also understand that it is reasonable to actually do your own work well and get good grades).

I kind of think that I gained alot more experience in troubleshooting and being a make-shift guru, but it's meant absolutely nothing in the job market. You can tell people you're good at solving problems until the cows come home, but unless you've had a paid job for 2 years that can verify that for you then you're stuck in my position.

Anyway, my point being that I have plenty of skills, but no proof of said skills. Therefore I am a risk to employers and will never get a job doing anything I want to do (which largely encompasses what I've spend most of my adult life training specifically for - go figure).

4. I'm sick of being unemployed. This is largely down to the last point. Also I blame Centrelink. Surely by now they've noticed that creative career-paths are different to being an office-jockey, fry-hand, or brickie. Surely they recognise that the creative industries are also legitimate forms of employment. Ergo it makes sense to FUCKING HELP GRADUATES OF MEDIA AND THE ARTS INSTEAD OF TELLING THEM TO TAKE THE FIRST SHIT-KICKER JOB THAT COMES AROUND AND SPEND HALF OF THEIR LIFE WASTING THEIR SKILLS UNTIL THOSE SKILLS ARE SUPERSEDED!

Why is it that if I take a volunteer position (that has a direct job prospect linked to it), I get no support, whatsoever? Somebody needs to realise the harsh reality that working for free is the way to get a job in the arts (especially film and sound), and those that get a job straight out of (or during) study are flukes or chance encounters.

Yes, I know I should have done that shit-kicker job in high school so I could actually physically force myself to apply for it in later life when I need the money, but you can't change me now, so you might as well learn to deal with me.

5. I'm sick of being the friend. To the ladies, at least. Anybody I'm interested in just ends up becoming a good friend (or a distant acquaintance). I'm the guy friend, instead of the boyfriend. That's my fault, mostly. This is for two reasons. I'm a shy bastard who takes too damn long to do anything, and also I'm afraid of becoming one of those pussy chasing players. Seriously.

6. I'm sick of censoring myself for fear of the following - Hurting a loved-one's feelings, being hated, being vulnerable. I will probably continue this practice, though, no matter how much I say I won't. I may slowly become more honest.

7. I'm sick of not knowing what tomorrow brings. I want to at least have some form of regular schedule somewhere. Some certainty in my life that goes beyond 'on this day you will most likely breathe, eat, shit, piss, sleep, and imbibe alcohol'. You know what, give me an office-monkey job, just don't make me apply for it.

So that about covers it.

Basically, the aim for the near future is to get a job, move out of home, man up, and possibly explode Canberra.

I'm not sure what just happened.

So, I just started volunteering at the local community tv station. I shall explain how this is both odd and potentially beneficial.

Firstly, I must express how surprised I am at how low the quality of the station's in-house facilities are. Studio isn't sound-proofed, dodgy carpet not fitted to the floor that is in shots. No calibration gear on vision or sound. No compressors on inputs or general program limiter. Plus many other things.

I also feel odd being the only one who knows anything about sound. This actually puts me at an advantage for a permanent paid position. I don't know how to feel about this. Is it a good career move? As a head of sound having to accept sub-par results due to lack of gear will I be shunned?

On the flip side, there are some upgrades coming, and my knowledge could maybe improve the station and bring me kudos for my deeds.

Or, as is the norm, nothing happens.

Over two months have passed...

... And almost nothing has happened. Yep. Still in exactly the same situation I was in the last blog. Still doing the following:

Looking for a decent job.

Trying to get people to actually come to Energy Commission shows.

Working on film projects for free.

Not having money.

There were at least some pluses:

Got my license back.

Ankle finally feels good again... Sort of.

Played more shows (not to anyone, but getting gigs is a plus).

Filled in a few nights doing pizza delivery for dad while he got some paid time off work (therefore I got to keep the money)

And some minuses:

Have spent around $700 on my car in the last two weeks and still need to pay for rego, RAC renewal, brake pads, and a very good servicing. There goes another $700 odd dollars and I don't have any more work to cover it.

Am fighting crippling depression at prospect of never working in any of the creative things I am good at (everyone else in my immediate family has horrible depression, so I'm pushing shit up a hill).

Haven't had a decent idea that I've actually had the resolve to flesh out in quite some time. Too many sketches in my head.


So, I'm still utterly confused as to what I should do. I really don't think my soul would survive in a genuine pleb job, and if I keep taking a scatterbrain approach of doing whatever creative thing comes to mind I will probably end up nowhere. It may be time to pick something and absolutely focus on it.

There you have it, readers (one can hope that there's more than just one - yes mum, I'm sure you read this). That's the last two and a bit months. Anyone got employment for me?

New and old

So, I have been experiencing some new things, old things, and new old things lately. Obviously it is part of the whole moving to the real world thing after running out of academic steam.

First up, the new. I went to a club and actually had a reasonable time. I'm not going as far as to say that I am a dancin' fool, but once I got to actually participating instead of hanging in the dark like a saddo it was kind of fun (enough to not notice my friends leaving for Black Betty's). This is mainly due to me being on the prowl so to speak. I was by no means successful on that account, but I am working on my lady skillz so to speak (after a youth of being too shy, busy, or just plain doing it wrong).

The old is my lack of band success. I had on Saturday what I thought to be a pretty decent gig (albeit in North Freo). The basement is generally at least an ok crowd puller. I tried hard to put the word out (including local flyer distribution and reasonably popular bands). What I got was the same core group of 10 people and not much else. On the plus, we had 2 cameras filming it, which was good because we played well and the crowd isn't seen. Hopefully a good promo tool.

The new old is centrelink and having to actually do something for my money. I really hope I can get a vaguely relevant job (or anything) soon so I don't have to deal with them.

Lester pt II (epic phone blog)

So, Transperth advertising. Firstly, they need better photographers, especially when they take photos of transperth employees. The current batch have an inability to make anyone look remotely good. There is one of a chick I have seen on multpiple occasions in real life, and while not the most attractive person in the world, this woman looked 10 years older and like she'd just gotten out of bed.

This brings me to the most useless part of the transperth empire: the website.

Not only is it poorly laid-out, it has questionable functionality at best. The journey planner generally misses obvious routes, and pages take ages to load (and there was that couple of weeks where the days of change video came up every time you visited the homepage, even if you'd been there 5 minutes ago).

And if you think it can't get any worse, thinj again. Mobile web functionality is even more retarded. You can't search past the next 5 services on anything.

Thus endeth the rant and the train ride.

Lester

Someone called Lester with silky smooth hair should release an album and call it 'Lestrous'. Or I could get long hair again and do it under an alter ego.

Also, I just found out how to make line breaks on my phone (as evidenced by the fact there is a paragraph within this blog - yes, I have enough time to kill to want to type a blog out on my phone, although the thumb cramp is already creeping in).

Right now, I'm on a train home that just left Perth. For a Saturday night it is a boring train. You know your city is boring when your weekend night trains have old people with those old-lady trolleys and those ladies don't have cats or shout occasional racist comments.

Actually, while I'm on the subject of public transport, there are number of things that are shitting me at the moment. Firstly, the amount of trains with ridiculously loud bells that sound off whenever the doors close. It hurts my ears, and that leads me to believe it is an OSH issue. I actually took earplugs for a period just before I got my license.

Next is Transperth advertising. My god, how shit is it? Ok, I like the priority seat one with the baby, but that's just funny because of the look on his face. Oh shit, may run out of characters. BRB, double post.

You are a spaniel.

Lovable hobos are where it's at in film. That is all.

What's next?

Fuck knows.

I'm finished as a student and this brings up two things:
1. I'm glad I'm fucking done.

"Good."

2. If I'm not studying, and I don't want to do film work for free, what the hell do I do for money?

"Get a job, you hippie."

Yes, that's the logical conclusion. But why the hell have I just spent 4 and a half years studying when I can't work gainfully in the industries I studied for? It's not because I wanted to kill those years living away from the real world (entirely). I want to work in film or sound. I have the skills and knowledge to do so (despite my education).

"Well you're fucked, then."

Thanks for your vote of confidence. No, seriously. What do I do next?

"I'll give you ten bucks to suck my dick."

I'm not sure I'm that desperate yet. What I really hope is that either I get enough money on Centrelink to afford living in a sharehouse, and I can find a place that's not too far from the city, or one of the few potential job opportunities that seem to be vaguely in front of me pan out (although knowing my employment history it seems unlikely).

"So you're basically no further than you were at the start of this blog?"

Yes.

Stimulation

As in I need some to finish (read: start) this scriptwriting shit. I'm hoping that writing this gets me in the mood to lay down some dialogue and get some storylining on the burner.

Unfortunately, I just sat 3 hours watching College Humor videos on youtube and the previous 2 hours looking at demotivational posters (I don't see many of these things because I don't spend too much time timewasting on youtube or forums. Mainly facebook or just generally sitting and being bored by nothingness). This means that I am hungry and want to get food from the city, which I can't do if I have any hope in hell of getting something worthwhile done tonight and not making this excursion a complete waste of time.

Just a general update to warm things up.

Firstly, Energy Commission have the first gig booked since I booked us to play at my shave (and look how well that went). July 10 at the Swan Basement, so we have a little over a month to actually fucking practice. So far we haven't actually played together as a band since the shave gig in mid-March. We've recorded 3 songs, but haven't actually had a proper rehearsal.

This has come at a really good time, because I was at the point where I thought we may have been unbookable in this town for some reason. My theory on being largely ignored is the fact that we are lyrically too vulgar for our musical audience. All the bands around this town that have blatantly profane and degenerate lyrics all play either really out there music or some form of genre with the words 'death' or 'core' involved, which means there is a specific scene for their music and lyrics. Energy Commission are caught between two worlds.

At least I have this gig to look forward to. Fuck I've missed playing live. Actually, I really want to get back on live bass playing in the near future, too. Or just something where I'm able to do what I usually do and thrash around and move. I try my best behind the drums, but there's only so crazy I can go at my skill level and maintain an adequate beat. This isn't saying I don't want to play drums, because I'm having plenty of fun with that.

Next up is the impending graduation (take 2). Of course, this assumes I get this final assignment done (still at least 50 pages of script to write in -1 days plus a further 3 episodes of synopses and a marketing/development strategy, but whatever). The problem is that something is totally sapping my will to do the fucking thing. I got a scene breakdown for a whole episode done the other day so I'd know how my 1st episode was structured, and now I've got total writers block on dialog for that episode and figuring out what the structure and content for the other episode will be. I can safely say shit has just gotten real, because It's probably going to take at least a day to write a decent script and I have to write 2. This was due Friday. It's now Saturday night.

I just think that because I've been so busy doing various film projects and helping people out that I have gotten used to being a bitch and trying to please people by going out of my way. Now I don't have as much of that to do and I'm stuck doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I just fucking can't. So frustrating.

Fuck. Now I have to go home. Progress today: Fuck all. I'm hoping the lack of facebook/internets on my journey home spurs my brain into gear.

I say the following things largely with an agenda of killing time, and under the influence of no sleep:

1. So, I'm going to build a robot that runs off my farts. It'll be awesome and strong and do all my bidding. The best thing is when I'm hungover and not feeling like doing things I'll probably have extra fuel for the robot. Also, I like chili beans. Also also, it's all my idea. George was not a creative party, and I will hire his rival to shoot the movie based off the inevitably popular comic that's bound to get made.

2. More Energy Commission recordings today. Layed down most of 'masturbate' and 'stank ass'. Apparently one of them has trumpet. Sick bro. Guitars and bass for 'stank ass' apparently not done due to pro tools/mac file transfer issues at TAFE. Hopefully sorted tomorrow.

3. I seem to be getting better at half winging presentations. This could be because I actually know something about the presentations I've done recently. It felt good to be able to do like 10 minutes of talking without needing to look at notes. Some bullshit, but plenty of good stuff.

4. Will hopefully have knocked off 2 film projects within a week or so, thus leaving me time to get on with the other non Reuben perpetuated project that I haven't even started (also assignments).

5. Really starting to doubt my 'cigarettes' film. Just have no time to fix the script/evaluate properly whether I need to. Feel like I need an EP to tell me what to change. Also, Hamish has moved, therefore I need to find another house. I also still need to cast the other parts and sort make-up/fx (vomit, maybe blood).

OK. Files transferred. Bed time now. Must get up early and return equipment then start editing more dance footage.

MOTHERFUCKER!

So, I may be becoming one of those people who is either a charity case or a source of secretive jokes that are only a secret from the person they're about. I don't know. All I know is that I know some of these people and perhaps have some similar thoughts. You know, the generic rants about not having 'real friends' and the like.

I may be finally getting beaten down to the point where I believe that I will not succeed in my endeavours, and I'm very nearly too tired to care anymore.

This is just something I have a total moral clash with, because I have been constantly fighting friends and family members who are at that point and trying to convince them otherwise. Of course, I realise it's not all roses, and there are compromises everywhere along the way, but now I'm starting to think that there is something about me that just oozes an aura similar to those Idol contestants who are absolutely terrible but have never discovered it. Of course, this is compounded by the fact that there are so many more creative outlets I like to associate myself with.

OK, this is too depressing. I need a change. Stay tuned?

Is there anybody in there?

I'm not entirely sure anymore.

So, I guess this is the blog of decision, or at least trying to make them clear to myself.

My cushy ECU job failed hard (I didn't even make it to interview stage - so much for my loyalty).

This means I'm still left with the burning question:
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WHEN I GRADUATE?

Basically, I'm going to need gainful employment because I want to finally get out of home. This probably means getting a shitty job which is totally going to impede on my creative shit (anyone with a shit-kicker film job who wants to employ me is also more than welcome).

On one hand, this lack of experience in the real workforce is an advantage because I can move anywhere in the world and a shit-kicker job is still a shit-kicker job. Of course, the downside is also that a shit-kicker job is a shit-kicker job.

I guess the main thing I am questioning is can I get a job doing something creative, or something that will sustain me enough to fund my creative exploits. On top of that, which is the creative position I am most likely to get somewhere with?

Nobody seems interested in the music I make. Nobody wants to pay for a producer for a band unless they have a label, then they don't want an unknown. Studios don't want engineers because they already have them. Nobody wants an editor with no real experience. Sound recordists need their own gear.

I'm starting to think of switching professions. Just be a dumb-arse freelance camera op. I did it on the recent wireless test videos with Alex with a shitty little handycam and did a good job with that. I actually applied for a freelance camera job, but it was filled before I got in. Quick and the dead.

Otherwise I could join the majority of my friends in becoming aspiring writers, or the rest of my friends who are trying their hands at amateur comedy nights. I watched bits of the Tim Minchin thing on ABC last night. He became a UK-wide phenomenon and he's not really what you call laugh-out-loud funny. Sure, he can be clever with wordplay, but you really just appreciate it subtly more than anything.

This is the one thing that I have never gotten over in the barrier to trying stand-up. What the fuck kind of act would I do? I would love to be a spontaneous comedian like Ross Noble, but I'm not sure I have the chops to just riff off of my own musings and make it continuously funny. I also doubt whether it would seem as funny coming out of my mouth, being an absolute nobody. The thing about Ross Noble is that he now has the reputation, and therefore people seem to laugh in anticipation of what might happen.

I just want something to happen. SOMETHING. I have reached a status quo that has been established over the last year (or maybe two). It may not be your average status quo, but I can see it becoming a trap. I bog myself down in other people's projects for little or no money or recognition, all the while not getting around to my own stuff.

Hopefully I actually make my short film and nothing happens to put it off (people pulling out, me not having time, sudden lack of access to equipment). I think this is only step one, though. This is really about me proving that I've learned something by watching and analysing on film sets over the years. I really want to exploit the new community tv station to get my series made, because I feel that would be the biggest break I could get at this point from the perspective of being taken seriously by the film and tv world. If I have my name as a series creator on something that's been made AND has air time AND isn't shit I would have an edge over many more people than I currently would (nobody). On top of that, I can also then help the people that have helped me. I want to bring karma to the industry.

Unfortunately, I must bide my time, though. My pitch and supporting materials aren't ready yet (or at least I don't think so - I don't actually know what I need to pitch it). Scriptwriting class is going to get the series ready to pitch, and then hopefully the big man John Rapsey can help me wedge my foot in the door.

Actually, a producer attached to it wouldn't hurt. I'm going to get onto this. Someone who can help me convince the station that the show will be cheap (or freeish).

On to work.

Apologies for long post.

Fuckity fuck fuck

Hmm, quite.

So, I have some heavy shit in my head at the moment, but it's probably stuff that's going to stay in my head for a little while.

On top of that, I'm starting to think I'm floundering in my workload, and becoming less motivated to finish stuff I started. New projects become old projects, and then new projects come along and I'm far less motivated to work on the old ones. That's OK, except sometimes those projects aren't mine. Sure, I signed up to work for free and the old adage 'you get what you pay for' applies, but if you agree to work on something and take an enthusiastic approach at the time, people may just put blind faith in your abilities. This means you just have to suck it up and push through despite a lack of interest, because you made it seem like people can count on you.

I suppose what I can say I've learned from this is that there is such a thing as being 'too keen'.

In relation to my last blog, I have mixed emotions about this upcoming job opportunity. Having a steady income is a good thing, but at the same time I am tied to Perth at least for a little while, rather than following life and love over-east.

I suppose this is a lesson in life, and as I mentioned, I am grateful to have life opportunities in multiple places and areas, but decision-making is not exactly my fortè.

Confusion reigns, as always. All I can do is do what I do and dumb it down for the masses.

I'm typing this on a netbook

Am I cool yet?

Today was a fun day utilising free internets in semi-exotic locations.

Also, until I'm finished capturing and organising footage this netbook and free internets stays with me. I feel slightly empowered with this machine on my lap as I sit on the couch with cricket in the background on the tv.

Also, I'm applying for the new vacancy in the WAAPA loans store. Could be an interesting new move in life having a steady job. The main problem is that it ties me down to Perth for a little while. I imagine employing someone in a full-time position generally means you want them there for a little while, whereas my heart belongs with the masses relocating to Melbourne.

I suppose having the option of potentially taking a relatively well paying job or moving east to try and 'make it' (whatever that means) is more than many people have.

We shall see what time dictates.

iJesus 2.0

Hmm. Free cleanskin wine is most certainly doing what it was supposed to do.

Updates + general rants engage...

First news, I won an online film festival and get a free website for 6 months. I suppose it's a kick up the arse to get a page running and maintain it. It also keeps up motivation to continue making films on the side. Who knows, perhaps I can cross to the dark side of directing on a more regular basis? Only time and general consensus will tell.

What else is happening? Various projects are doing stuff with my involvement at various levels. Post sound on Project Bay and Sintillate are to be focused on soon. Got the LINK dance project to start editing on. Alex and I are hitting the streets hopefully on Monday to film some crazy promotion thing for a new company. Not quite sure why I'm shooting it, though.

Also, I'm thinking more about employment. Anyone in Perth or Armadale got casual jobs for me? I'm wondering if I should take out an ad in the west.
WANTED - EMPLOYER:
Poor student seeks employer for casual engagements. Must have flexible work hours and be near public transport for the next 3 months. In the interest of full disclosure, I may have had a run-in with the popo recently that has impeded on my abilities to legally operate a vehicle.

Is this unreasonable?

There really needs to be an efficient system of letting all of your friends know the answers to the menial questions that come with finding out that you changed something about your appearance/made a big decision/similar. I know you want to ask these questions, and I'm sure you understand that everybody else will be asking the same thing, and I also understand that you kind of need to ask the question/s, but it shits me (and I'm sure you all feel the same way about it in your situations).

Perhaps like a journalist that asks you these necessary mundane questions shortly after something big happens and puts the interview up for all to see. You see someone in the street and they ask you "Does your head feel lighter?" and you say "You'll find my official response at my webpage. I'll be fielding no further questions on the matter."

Of course, this is impractical and unsociable, but it's a start.

Or you could just write it on your blog and those who don't read it can be directed there.