Melbourne and my insecurities

Long time no see to nobody but myself.

So since my last blog I have moved to Melbourne, initially as a 'job-seeking holiday where I'd try Melbourne and Sydney and go home after a month or two', but I knew as soon as I got to Melbourne that it would be none of those things. I was settling in Melbourne and that was that. I pissed around in a residential backpackers for a month or so after having crashed at my cousin's house and actor friends Leoni and Alex for a couple of weeks back to back initially.

Now I'm in the Western Suburbs in Sunshine, trying seriously to get any decent job I can, having gotten tired of living off the dole looking only for film/video jobs and being jerked around by a company for a month or so.

All of this is not the reason I am writing this blog.

Really it is because I am currently hyperactive trying to get some excitement into my life (in the form of either joining or forming a band either with my ukelele or other people's instruments or volunteering on films), which is because I have no money and no friends who aren't doing stuff during the weekdays, which leaves me largely a hermit on my own in my house during the week.

So, this brings me to my point. I am doubting how many of my friends really appreciate or care about me. I'm always the one to make the effort, both at making contact and making plans to actually catch up. Sure, I don't have alot of friendships that are worth the effort, but it seems those few may not even be worth the effort.

I think possibly it is because I'm such a clingy cunt when I do get a friend and I bend over backwards to see them and fit their schedule that they never think it necessary to try and actually invite me to something (without first being too busy to do what I want them to do) or fit my schedule.

I never hear from people unless they want something from me (with the exception of one who shall remain named as Mr. G). Yes, I expect that from some people who I'm not that close too, because I do that with people who I consider in that ilk.

Just an occasional call to see what's up from these people not being Mr. G and my family would be nice. Or not just ignoring me on facebook chat (often in the midst of a conversation).

Of course, none of this would be coming up if I was employed and actually had somewhere where I was being paid to be bored during the day.

So that's that. I'll go back to being bored until I get tired enough to sleep. At least it will stretch out my day by waking up late.