Melbourne and my insecurities

Long time no see to nobody but myself.

So since my last blog I have moved to Melbourne, initially as a 'job-seeking holiday where I'd try Melbourne and Sydney and go home after a month or two', but I knew as soon as I got to Melbourne that it would be none of those things. I was settling in Melbourne and that was that. I pissed around in a residential backpackers for a month or so after having crashed at my cousin's house and actor friends Leoni and Alex for a couple of weeks back to back initially.

Now I'm in the Western Suburbs in Sunshine, trying seriously to get any decent job I can, having gotten tired of living off the dole looking only for film/video jobs and being jerked around by a company for a month or so.

All of this is not the reason I am writing this blog.

Really it is because I am currently hyperactive trying to get some excitement into my life (in the form of either joining or forming a band either with my ukelele or other people's instruments or volunteering on films), which is because I have no money and no friends who aren't doing stuff during the weekdays, which leaves me largely a hermit on my own in my house during the week.

So, this brings me to my point. I am doubting how many of my friends really appreciate or care about me. I'm always the one to make the effort, both at making contact and making plans to actually catch up. Sure, I don't have alot of friendships that are worth the effort, but it seems those few may not even be worth the effort.

I think possibly it is because I'm such a clingy cunt when I do get a friend and I bend over backwards to see them and fit their schedule that they never think it necessary to try and actually invite me to something (without first being too busy to do what I want them to do) or fit my schedule.

I never hear from people unless they want something from me (with the exception of one who shall remain named as Mr. G). Yes, I expect that from some people who I'm not that close too, because I do that with people who I consider in that ilk.

Just an occasional call to see what's up from these people not being Mr. G and my family would be nice. Or not just ignoring me on facebook chat (often in the midst of a conversation).

Of course, none of this would be coming up if I was employed and actually had somewhere where I was being paid to be bored during the day.

So that's that. I'll go back to being bored until I get tired enough to sleep. At least it will stretch out my day by waking up late.

I am the definition of indefinite

Yo.

Again, I'm ranting about my ability to attain a vague sense of certainty in my life. The cliche remains that the only thing I'm certain of is that I can't be certain of anything.

This makes me unreliable and therefore a less attractive prospect for employment.

Thus is the reasoning behind my snap decision to go east in search of work (as aided by tapping on these very keys in my last blog). My reasoning is as follows:

1. I am more likely to get full time employment in Melbourne or Sydney in the film and tv industry.

2. If I have less things to be uncertain about then I will have more things I can be certain about. I will probably have to at least have a vague structure to my job hunting (including where I will be residing, for how long, how I spend my days - likely pounding the pavement 8 hours a day, and also how I spend my nights (having no idea of what to do will just mean I can take most offers as they come).

3. I have money lying around and more coming in within this month/early next month. I don't have enough to fix my car, and I've already spent around $1000 in repairs on top of the $1500 I paid for it initially a year and a bit ago. It either goes on this trip or some vaguely helpful item that I probably won't get the full value out of.

And just for shits and giggles, here's a cap of what's about to happen/what's just happened in my life.

I have gotten the film SLR photography bug. I'm absolutely resisting the urge to spend all of my money on new lenses/filters/tripod/lights (just signing up to ebay isn't making this easier - I have made my one purchase on that for now and it will have to satisfy me).

I had a great New Year period, having adventures with some newer friends who have begun to get closer into my life.

I have colour grading work for a week or two beginning as of Monday. It is an outback survival instructional documentary, and I will also be doing some minor editing and mixing on it. This is a decent earner, also. I'm not the most knowledgeable as a grader, but I have picked up enough to do what is required here.

I also have a band to produce. Deth Traktor are a 2 piece stonerish rock band who live in the ghetto with me, but whom I had never met before. This piece of fortune coincides with a new studio opening up and offering ridiculously cheap prices for the first month or so. I have delved into the role of producer, coming down to a jam session and recording most of it (then playing around with some basic mixing and exploring sounds). I'm looking forward to the tracking and my brother Cayle will be helping as assistant engineer (as long as he doesn't try to hijack the session and usurp me - a disadvantage of having someone competent as your underling). The recording unfortunately may be interfered with by a very random opportunity (see below).

For some reason, an indie film decided to advertise for crew on seek. I went through the holiday entries I'd missed through being out generally having a good time and just came across it. I've never seen a dramatic film advertise for crew on seek. I applied, then I got a call back asking if I could send a sound showreel. Waiting to hear back over the next few days. If I get the job I will be paid (probably not full rates, but hopefully enough to get stable accommodation) for almost 2 months of work. Just like the last Sydney opportunity, I'll have a short period of time to get organised and get over there.

So, that's mostly it. Gilesy and I wrote a script on New Year's day that we had hoped to have in the can by now, but lack of initial interest from others and an inability to build a vaguely functional factory cubicle (with conveyor belt) at short notice has put it off. I do really want to make this, especially because I will be at least co-directing, and probably taking more charge of the visual side of things.

I again have to wait and see what happens. Patience is a virtue. Must remember that.